Updated on August 21, 2022
The Mortal Mercenary – Teaser
Writing my first novel was both a fantastic and sobering experience. On one hand, I accomplished a lifelong goal and told what I think is a fun story. On the other, I realized after I had “finished” just how rough the product was and how much fine tuning it would need to be palatable. Thus, it sits in the trunk for now as I try to take lessons learned from writing it onto my next project.
One of the areas I know it needs work is the intro. I wrote an entire prologue that has nothing to do with the story writ large and needs to be cut. That said, I absolutely loved this bit and don’t want it to wither away. So here it is in all its glory! I hope you enjoy it.
I took a deep breath, adjusted my polo shirt, and prepared to do battle with forces that had preyed on humanity since before our recorded history.
“Cucumber water, sir?” I asked.
The robed fellow sitting in the plush chair in front of me didn’t bother to look up from his tablet as he raised his hand. I took a glass from the tray I carried and placed it in his upraised palm, making sure the glass was the one with three slices floating in it. He took it without a word of thanks, dismissing me with a flick of his other hand as he continued reading.
I made my way towards the employees only area of the high-end spa, dropping the mandatory cheer from my aching jaw as soon as I pushed through the swinging doors. I checked my watch—according to the schedule Jeeves had lifted off their server, my target’s appointment was in four minutes. Plenty of time to tie up the last loose end before execution. I took a clipboard off one of the nearby desks and stepped through another door.
“Three down to the left,” I said to myself, counting doors along the back hallway attached to the VIP treatment suites. I came to a stop in front of it, confirming the name on the attached whiteboard before going inside.
A man dressed in the same spa uniform as me stopped putting new sheets on the massage table and glanced in my direction. “Who are you?” he asked.
“New hire,” I said, holding up the clipboard. “The boss said I’m supposed to take Mr. LeYensa’s servicing today.”
“That can’t be right,” the employee said, “I’ve been Tomas’s masseuse for over a year.”
I shrugged. “Don’t know what to tell you. Take it up with the boss if you feel like it.”
“Let me see that clipboard,” he said, coming around the table. I handed it over and stepped slightly behind him.
“Wait,” he said, his confusion deepening. “This is the potluck sign-up sheet. What are you playing at—”
Whatever else he had to say got cut off as I reached up and put him in a chokehold. He flailed his arms and tried to break my grip, but the hold was tight. I hummed to myself and counted out the seconds, slowly bringing him down as I hit ten. By twenty seconds, he was completely limp and laid out on the floor. I eased off the choke—no one was paying me for him, after all, and clean-up on mortals is always messy. He started coming back around as blood rushed back to his head, but a drop of wyrm venom on his lips settled him back down. I dragged him into the corner room’s tanning bed and tossed an extra sheet over him to keep him hidden. He’d wake up in an hour with a splitting headache and no idea what had happened the past day or so.
Another check of the watch showed I had sixty seconds to go. I finished draping the sheets over the massage table, dimmed the lights, and stepped out the front entrance to greet Tomas.
“Right over here, sir,” the receptionist said, pointing Tomas down the customer hallway towards me before returning to her desk. I plastered the mandatory cheer back on my face and greeted him, noting that for someone supposedly seen by the same man for a year, he didn’t seem to recognize a stranger in his normal masseuse’s place. I suppose we all look alike to his type.
Once we both entered, I closed the door and coughed to cover the sound of flipping the lock.
“The usual,” Tomas said, starting to strip off his robe. He made it halfway out before he hesitated. He shook his head once, then twice, before reaching out to steady himself on the table. I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall, watching as his symptoms worsened. His eyes jerked around the room, eventually coming to rest on me just as his legs buckled beneath him.
“What…is happening…to me…” he muttered, fighting against his numbing tongue.
“Nothing too extreme,” I said. “Just a sedative I slipped into your water.”
“You…?” he said, squinting to try to bring me into focus. “I will…rip your heart…out.” He bared his teeth, showing me two fangs extending downward where a human would have incisors. To his credit, he did manage to make it to his feet and take a stumbling step towards me before face planting on the teakwood floor.
“Normally, you would,” I agreed, making my way over and squatting in front of his still open eyes as his breath labored in short gasps. “But then, normally a sedative wouldn’t have this effect on a vampire. That’s why I laced it with holy water. Gives it a nice kick.”
Tomas tried to snarl, but it came out as a wet gurgle instead.
“Don’t worry, you won’t notice a thing when you go unconscious in a minute or so. But before you do, I have to read something to you.” I pulled out my phone and gave him a what-can-you-do grin. “Part of the contract. I’m sure you understand.” His eyes widened as he pieced together what must be happening, but the sedative had spread too far for him to do anything else. “Tomas LeYensa, the Los Angeles coven finds you guilty of theft, blood corruption, and sedition. Let death take you from your eternal life.” I put the phone away and gestured to myself. “I’m here for that second part.”
Fury filled Tomas’s eyes before they creaked shut like a struggling garage door. I gave it another minute to be sure, then stood and nudged him with a toe. His limp body didn’t react, so I started whistling and bent down to put him into a fireman’s carry. I hit the chorus as we reached the tanning bed. “Dirty deeds…” I sang off-key, dumping the vampire onto the bed. “Done. Dirt. Cheap.” I dropped the lid and plugged in the machine before putting a minute on the timer and hitting the start button. I tapped out the next verse of the song on the lid as the scent of brimstone filled the room, periodically checking through the gap to make sure Tomas was getting an even coat.
The timer dinged, and I lifted the lid up to see a vampire-shaped ash pile pouring out of Tomas’s spa robe. I picked up the robe and carried it over to the trashcan, emptying out what was left of the vampire before snapping the robe a few times to clear off the rest. Then I scooped out the ash from the tanning bed and dumped it as well, making sure there was no trace left. That done, I grabbed the unconscious masseuse and propped him up in one of the room’s chairs like he had been napping, before grabbing the trash bag with Tomas’s ashes and heading for the door.
My name is Zeke Hunter, and I’m the Mortal Mercenary. From the arcane to the profane, I take care of any of your supernatural needs for the right price. Vampires vanquished, ghouls garroted, and specters spaced or your money back—minus expenses, of course. But the most important thing you need to know about me is this:
I love my job.
