Rock On, Little One

Absurdity

Parenthood is full of joy, wonder, and horrifying surprises.  Often, those three facets get tied together in a neat little package that leaks something obscene out of a corner you thought you had strapped down. 

Yesterday, my son and I had some quality bonding time while my wife went out with a friend.  I had made it several hours without serious incident and decided I was ready to try and make myself lunch while Ezran was still awake.  This was my first mistake.  You see, my son is still an infant and delights in finding new and interesting ways to express himself.  “Today,” he thought, “I will surpass myself.”

Not knowing the horror literally brewing within my child, I plopped him in his activity center we have dubbed the Chair of Cheer and carted him over to the kitchen.  My goal was to continue pushing the boundaries of our new air fryer with some potstickers while Lil’ EZ chilled with an assortment of toys.  We had rocked out to classic rock all morning, and AC/DC accompanied my incompetent but passionate air frying efforts. 

All was well until a realization left me Thunderstruck—my son has made it eight months and not ONCE had I introduced him to the concept of air guitaring.  I tossed the ill-prepared potstickers in the air fryer, cranked the tunes, and caught my son’s attention.  Then, I jammed.

This was not casual air guitaring, a few half-hearted strums at waist level with a vague indication of fingering chords.  This was no holds barred, leave it all on the table, sweat inducing showmanship.  I danced, I spun, and I slid on my knees while raising my air guitar to the awe-inspired heavens as I poured years of mild-shame of never learning the actual guitar into my performance.

Ezran.  Was.  Thrilled.

My son shrieked with joy and laughter, slamming his hands on the Chair of Cheer not unlike Thor demanding more beverages at his table in Valhalla.  His smile radiated a level of wonder that only the very young or the very insane can truly convey.  Back in Black roared in the background as his little feet splattered on a growing puddle of sickly yellow liquid.

The presentation of a lifetime came to an abrupt stop.  My eyes went from being filled with passion to being filled with horror as I realized just what my son was currently squishing between his toes.

In the midst of his excitement, Ezran had decided to unleash a poop waterfall out his diaper and along his leg, leading to the aforementioned puddle of off-colored excrement he continued to dip his feet into.  He looked up at me and smiled with his toothless gums and eyes open just a touch too wide.  I looked deep within and beheld only chaos as he slammed both feet into the puddle over and over, spreading his joy in one of the only mediums he understands.

It was at that point the air fryer dinged to let me know it had just turned my potstickers into briquettes.  Parenthood, as they say, is always an adventure.

On the writing front, I’ve got a draft title for my debut science fiction novel!  Artificial Threat will be the first of three novels in the Artificial trilogy, followed (tentatively) by Artificial Uprising,and Artificial Empire.  As my wife and I are fond of saying, good things come in threes, and I like how it keeps one of the story’s primary themes consistent across some nice repetition. 

As for progress, I’m still deep in Phase Two of my editing process: Strategic Planning.  This is where I look over the reconnaissance from Phase One and identify issues of plot, character, and world building.  As I document them, I also triage them into Critical, Substantive, and Minor.  As is expected from a 100% Gardener book, I have plenty of weeds to yank.  I’m up to sixty-seven issues so far, most of them in the Critical or Substantive categories. 

While this would have disheartened me earlier in my writing experience, I’ve come to recognize the need to identify these problems before considering my work complete.  I didn’t do that for The Mortal Mercenary, and I wasted far too much time trying to push out a subpar product because of it.  I’m also learning a lot about how I write and the craft by doing so, which is always a plus.  Once I get all the issues documented, then I will formulate a plan to get after them.  The most important step you can take is always the next one!