Category: Absurdity
Posted on June 16, 2026
Stealing Neighborhood Ants: A Field Report
I walked into the kitchen, envelope in hand, ready to earn my World’s Greatest Dad mug. My son’s first ant farm had arrived last week, and now I had the inmates. Ripping the envelope open, I rolled the …
Updated on April 27, 2026
After Action Report: The Long Night
The first rumble comes at midnight, that witching hour when nothing good ever happens. My stomach clenches like a fist, and I know what’s coming.
Posted on December 8, 2024
Twinkle Trials: My Journey to Holiday Illumination
“When are you going to put up the Christmas lights?” my wife asked. I looked at her much like how a cow looks at an oncoming train. In the eight years of our marriage, I had yet to …
Posted on September 29, 2024
Through Fire and Fluff: How I Survived a Kitchen Calamity
The flash point for your average marshmallow is 200 degrees Fahrenheit. I know this because my wife attempted to burn down our house with marshmallows a few days ago. I was in our office when the cry for …
Updated on September 15, 2024
Yellowstone and Grand Tetons: A Haiku-tiful Experience
My wife and I decided life wasn’t challenging enough, so we decided to do a five-day road trip to Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons with our toddler. Remarkably, he took mercy on us and behaved like a champ. …
Posted on August 26, 2024
War is Gardening by Other Means: My Battle with the Weeds
I have never had much of a green thumb, but Colorado has done its best to remedy that. Unfortunately, its tool of choice has been weeds. It also decided to get a head start, with the weeds in …
Posted on August 11, 2024
A Man, A Wasp Nest, and a Lesson in Critical Thinking
I have a swollen lump on my thigh about the size of a tennis ball. It’s red. It itches. All in all, an unpleasant experience—zero stars, would not recommend. Why, you ask, do I have a red, itching …
Posted on July 14, 2024
My Son Is Not A Terrorist
Terrorism is defined as the use of violence or the threat of violence in the pursuit of political goals. This comes shockingly close to the experience of living with a toddler. Toddlers embrace violence, be it hitting, kicking, …
Updated on June 30, 2024
House Hunting: Amusing, Odd, and Criminally Inclined Homes
If it wasn’t for the fact that it’s a whirlwind of stress as you grind through a slow, agonizing death march of compromising on what you thought you held most dear, house hunting would be a fantastic activity. …
Posted on April 23, 2024
Get Off My Lawn
Watching a toddler grow fascinates me. Every day seems like it brings new developments, especially with physical skills. Our son has two new favorites: the headbanger, and the butt-first stair slide. Admittedly, these skills aren’t anywhere on the …
