Category: Suburban Dad
Posted on April 19, 2026
Wonder Is the One Frequency That Requires No Translation
My car sped down the hill, my eyes darting from the speedometer to the road as I debated how much I could get away with. Over the car speakers, NASA flight control officers worked their way through the …
Posted on April 6, 2026
Stoicism Has Borders
I am the rock upon which my household sits. While I don’t usually boast in these pages, it’s important I make an exception today. Last time I was sick, I was not nearly as pathetic as I usually …
Posted on March 22, 2026
Why I Asked AI Instead of My Dad
My wife looked at me and uttered the words I most dread in our relationship: “When are you going to hang those frames?” Pinned like the frantic rat I was, I looked for a limb to gnaw off …
Posted on October 15, 2025
After Action Report: The Long Night
The first rumble comes at midnight, that witching hour when nothing good ever happens. My stomach clenches like a fist, and I know what’s coming. I’ve been here before. Decades of motion sickness have made me intimately familiar …
Posted on October 9, 2025
Llamageddon: Why Toddler Bonding Trips Always Go Wrong
My son and I whipped down the Utah freeway at exactly five over the limit, and I knew that I was about to take the crown as the favorite parent. Since birth, he has made it clear he …
Posted on June 25, 2025
Turf War: Defeat and Resurrection in Suburban Lawn Combat
It’s late winter. I stare out my glass door to the backyard, looking at the grass as it starts to stir from its winter hibernation. Signs of life pop everywhere. Everywhere save one spot—the Patch. My nemesis, my …
