Lifts of Historical Figures

I lift weights as my workout of choice.  This isn’t driven by some desire to set personal records or yell like a wildebeest in the weight room.  I just recognize the need to marry up my understanding of physical fitness’s benefits with my palpable hatred of running.  My years invested in the activity, however, have had an effect on me.  The ancient art of picking things up and putting them down impacts us all in different ways, with one interesting facet being which lifts one prefers.  Being a huge fan of gross oversimplification, I firmly believe that one’s lift of choice can and does say volumes about an individual.  With that in mind, here is the definitive guide to some well-known historical figures’ lifts of choice and what that says about them.

• Abraham Lincoln
  • Noted Accomplishments: 16th president of the United States, led the country through its vicious Civil War, wrestled for 12 years with only one recorded defeat
  • Lift of Choice: pull-ups
  • Reasoning: Having the carry the team on his back for his entire presidency, Lincoln understood the importance of broad shoulders and full body exercises.  Also, his late nights in the office likely kept him from the gym, so he would need a lift he could do around the Oval Office
• Mahatma Ghandi
  • Noted Accomplishments: One of the greatest national and civil rights leaders of the 20th century, popularized satyagraha (non-violent protest) to achieve Indian independence from British rule, five time Nobel Peace Prize runner-up
  • Lift of Choice: yoga
  • Reasoning: Ghandi recognized the need for flexibility in his efforts against the British Empire.  Non-violence also takes plenty of focus on the inner-self when the other side may not share those lofty ideals.  And given some of Ghandi’s more nationalistic stances, India as the birthplace of yoga probably checked a few political boxes
• Napoleon Bonaparte
  • Noted Accomplishments: Conquered most of Europe in four years, established numerous government reforms that served as inspirational elements for many other nations, fabulous portrait posing
  • Lift of Choice: lateral lunges
  • Reasoning: Napoleon’s brilliance as a commander stemmed from his understanding of mobility.  He maneuvered around his opponents in ways people had never seen, and his armies marched circles around Europe’s best and brightest throughout the Napoleonic Wars.  If only he had worked more long-distance training into the schedule prior to his misadventure in Russia
• Alexander the Great
  • Noted Accomplishments: Created one of the largest empires the world has ever known, conquered the Persian Empire, named more cities after himself than many people at the time visited in their lives
  • Lift of Choice: Squat, but with poor form
  • Reasoning: Alexander knew he needed a strong foundation for his conquest hobby.  He did manage to pull of eleven years of undefeated campaigning, but his poor form came back to haunt him in the end since all that he built couldn’t be sustained
• Marcus Aurelius
  • Noted Accomplishments: Emperor during Rome’s Golden Age, authored a timeless work on Stoicism and life, pulled off the perm look centuries ahead of its heyday
  • Lift of Choice: visualization
  • Reasoning: Marcus’s Meditations has sat on the nightstand of many successful people in the millennia since he put nib to paper.  Through his reign as one of the Good Emperors, the Roman Empire could see itself as a triumphant force far into the future.  It’s a shame his son couldn’t keep it going
• Suleiman the Magnificent
  • Noted Accomplishments: 10th Sultan of the Ottoman Empire that expanded its territory into Belgrade, Rhodes, and Hungary, talented poet and goldsmith whose works are still read today, tremendous hat style
  • Lift of Choice: deadlift
  • Reasoning: Deadlift is the king of lifts, and a ruler doesn’t earn the title “The Magnificent” without being able to back it up.  Between his consolidation of Constantinople into Istanbul, the multiple administrative adjustments he made to the Ottoman Empire, and his talent with a quill, Suleiman was the whole package
• Marie Antoinette
  • Noted Accomplishments: Queen consort of Louis XVI of France, lavish party planner, terrible situational awareness
  • Lift of Choice: admiring herself in the gym mirror
  • Reasoning: Marie knew what she liked, and what she liked was an extravagant court life.  Putting in the work for that was someone else’s problem.  And if they didn’t have the bread to support themselves?  Well, let them eat cake!
• Vladimir Lenin
  • Noted Accomplishments: Founded the Leninism school of thought, led the Bolshevik coup that overthrew the Russian government and won the Russian Civil War, famously poor choice of followers
  • Lift of Choice: doing one set of a dumbbell lift before talking to you for 30 minutes
  • Reasoning: Lenin knew the importance of being in the gym, but not for the same reason most did.  No, he valued the captive audience who would listen to him rant about the threats of the bourgeoisie.  Too bad he didn’t see Stalin getting his reps in behind him
• Pharaoh Khufu
  • Noted Accomplishments: Second King of the 4th Egyptian Dynasty, builder of the Great Pyramid at Giza, target of some of the world’s first documented haters
  • Lift of Choice: tire pulls
  • Reasoning: Khufu saw an empty plot of sand and thought to himself, why not build the largest building in humanity’s existence?  To fulfill the sheer audacity of that power move, the stone blocks used to build Egypt’s largest pyramid came in between an average of 2.5 and 15 tons.  Seeing as it remained the tallest structure in the world for 3,500 years, his plan seems to have worked out
• Queen Elizabeth II
  • Noted Accomplishments: Served in multiple capacities during World War II, helped pass the 2013 Crown Act for gender equality, immortality
  • Lift of Choice: long distance cardio
  • Reasoning: Queen Elizabeth II has outlived every one of her contemporary leaders and remains the head of state for fifteen countries.  Her long service to the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth will continue for all time and eternity, and her subjects look forward to the many fun hats she’ll don over the coming centuries

Remember, lifting is the great equalizer—gravity and mass don’t care who you are or what you’ve done.  Don’t skip leg day!