Category: Absurdity

Twinkle Trials: My Journey to Holiday Illumination

“When are you going to put up the Christmas lights?” my wife asked. I looked at her much like how a cow looks at an oncoming train.  In the eight years of our marriage, I had yet to …

Through Fire and Fluff: How I Survived a Kitchen Calamity

The flash point for your average marshmallow is 200 degrees Fahrenheit.  I know this because my wife attempted to burn down our house with marshmallows a few days ago.  I was in our office when the cry for …

Yellowstone and Grand Tetons: A Haiku-tiful Experience

My wife and I decided life wasn’t challenging enough, so we decided to do a five-day road trip to Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons with our toddler.  Remarkably, he took mercy on us and behaved like a champ.  …

War is Gardening by Other Means: My Battle with the Weeds

I have never had much of a green thumb, but Colorado has done its best to remedy that.  Unfortunately, its tool of choice has been weeds.  It also decided to get a head start, with the weeds in …

A Man, A Wasp Nest, and a Lesson in Critical Thinking

I have a swollen lump on my thigh about the size of a tennis ball.  It’s red.  It itches.  All in all, an unpleasant experience—zero stars, would not recommend.  Why, you ask, do I have a red, itching …

My Son Is Not A Terrorist

Terrorism is defined as the use of violence or the threat of violence in the pursuit of political goals.  This comes shockingly close to the experience of living with a toddler.  Toddlers embrace violence, be it hitting, kicking, …

House Hunting: Amusing, Odd, and Criminally Inclined Homes

If it wasn’t for the fact that it’s a whirlwind of stress as you grind through a slow, agonizing death march of compromising on what you thought you held most dear, house hunting would be a fantastic activity.  …

Get Off My Lawn

Watching a toddler grow fascinates me.  Every day seems like it brings new developments, especially with physical skills.  Our son has two new favorites: the headbanger, and the butt-first stair slide.  Admittedly, these skills aren’t anywhere on the …

Tales from a Toddler

My son is an advanced child.  Not in the sense that he’s displaying the precursors to Mozart level brilliance, no.  He has firmly established himself in the realm of Terrible Two well before reaching that milestone via days …

Dream Homes: A Functional Guide

So, you’re in the market for buying a home.  Congratulations!  This is an adventure for you and your family, one you’ll look back on for many years as you fight to keep your new home upright.  Before you …